Return to Slimming World! – Lard Wars

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You live by the pie…

Like almost every other woman in the Western World I struggle with my weight. I lost 12 pounds last year which I considered an achievement, although I stopped short of my goal (always fatal in diet world) What with Christmas gluttony and the pressure to eat rich food and ambient chocolate a daily environmental hazard, easily half of that has crept back on to the undercarriage. So I decided it was back to Slimming World for me before my trousers refuse to fasten once more. I lost a stone once with them in the past so I thought I’d give them another go. The only thing is, I still don’t really get the food optimising thing. I’ve had it explained and read about it in the Slimming World book,  but I just know it means you can eat as many slimming world chips as you like on the diet and it is ALLOWED!

These chips make you thinner!

The Slimming World class, the first of the New Year, was absolute pandemonium. Over 100 women and a smattering of bulky chaps were squashed into the church hall.  Some strange musical appreciation group next door was making a right racket and kept competing with the slimmers chattering by blasting retro country sounds. It reminded me of Robert Browning’s poem The Pied Piper of Hamelin where the rats are over running the town “shrieking and squeaking in fifty different sharps and flats.” The crowd of fat birds duly settled on the plastic chairs like a large crowd of actual fat birds roosting on the roof of a Mr Kipling factory. Comments overheard ranged from”Well I tried that Weight Watchers and it didn’t work so I’ll give this one a go” to “I’ve put 8 pounds on over Christmas – I just went overboard!
The group leader Katie, was lovely and had just the right style of non judgemental encouragement.  She went through the ‘extra easy’ book page by page for the new members.

Not Samuel Pepys

Katie emphasised that we should write down  everything we eat in our food diarys to ensure maximum success. As anyone who has ever done this knows, this is a tedious exercise akin to cleaning individual Venetian blinds with a toothbrush. I once heard a personal trainer tell her rather generously proportioned client that it was good he had owned up to the Pot Noodle on his food diary but that humans never used to eat Pot Noodles at any point in history and they really aren’t meant to eat them now. Try telling that to Unilever whose sales of the aforementioned noodles have increased by 5.5% since the start of the recession. Katie said that  no one would ever specifically discuss losing or gaining weight  in the class – only ‘weight changes’ Now that leaves the whole game wide open in my opinion…
These foods will make you thin